odetoabird:

cumber-bitches:

cazastrophic:

cumber-bitches:

how come nobody got pregnant at hogwarts? i mean come on, surely there was some unprotected hanky panky going on there.

Wizardry.

ahh, makes sense. 

fetus deletus

there was this customer at work yesterday and she can’t have been more than 16/17 years old and my god she had such an amazing bum I was so jealous, credit where credit’s due but you have to admire a great ass when you see one, man or woman!

nerdofchaos:

recreationalcannibalism:

the-adequate-gatsby:

stultifyandstupefy:

derpes:

And God said unto Abraham, “Abraham.”

And Abraham replied, “What.”

God said to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.

And Judas approached the rabbis and Pharisees saying, “The one whom I kiss is the one you seek.”

To which they responded, “Gay.” 

And thus, god made Eve. And she was bammin’ slammin’ bootylicious.

see you all in hell

masturbatingwithjesus:

Have you ever been so addicted to someone that even the thought of them makes you feel like every nerve in your body is being stimulated?

I’m gonna start calling boys by the wrong name on purpose to remind them how unimportant they are